He slams into his second grade classroom, like a Lord of Flatbush, late as usual, angry as always. He must have read Hitler's Mein Kompf, about the way to make a grand entrance. Arrive late; leave early. He does. He hides, sneaks off and causes adults to hunt for him whenever possible. Despite weighing at sub-pee-wee weight, about 50# and reaching only to my belly button, he packs a lot of p*ss and vinegar.
Flaxen blond hair in a military cut, darting cornflower blue eyes always watching to see if teacher is noticing his antics (I am, but avoiding the reinforcement of negative attention). Pale, unhealthy skin, translucent to show dark shadows under the eyes (allergies, lack of sleep, poor nutrition, too much TV or a combination). Thin wrists and fingers, he always looks tired, cold and lonely, despite his belligerence. As though being mean is the only thing that keeps him going.
He does everything he can think of to get into trouble. He goes to the office and causes more trouble. Nobody is really sure just what to do with him or for him. Calling home is no solution. Parents can't (won't?) make him behave. No judgement. Mom and dad are both working hard to provide. There are four children in the family. In Michigan we've got the distinction having the highest unemployment rate. Jobs are scarce, especially is you didn't or couldn't get a good education. Even if you did, we have teachers selling shoes to make ends meet.
Recess time: Michigan windchill in the single digits and snow blowing sideways. I help 48 feet get into 48 boots. I check 24 warm coats and snow pants to make sure that they are are zipped up snugly. There are no snow-pants or boots for one student. You can guess who. Oh there's a coat but it's a man's large with a broken zipper. I've got playground duty. Even dressed in my warm clothes, I can feel the annual winter laryngitis setting in. He stays in the alcoves of the school to stay warm. Standing by an unused door, he shouts and hollers to drum up a crowd. I know that he's hiding out to stay warm; showing off to cover up that fact. He's not hurting anything. Just making a lot of noise.
Another sub is in the room next door. She's insecure and wants to prove herself. It's funny how you just know this about people. No judgement. Well maybe just a bit. Leave the attitude at the office if you're going to do our job. She marches to the unused door and pulls the loud one in. Startled, (the students never use this door) he shifts nervously from one foot to the other.
He's been having a great day so far and I'm tickled (so are the other kids). Are we making a nanometer of progress? Under her withering criticism and menacingly soft-shaming voice, I can see his tiny, poorly clad back go up (apparently she doesn't notice that this kid hasn't even got proper clothes?) I guess yelling on the playground is forbidden in her book. She has obviously "been trained" to "deal" with this-sort-of-child". And she does. Coldly. Ruthlessly. Stupidly.
Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. I'm no angel, but I have common sense and I choose my battles. I don't step in, I never question an adult in front of a child. But I almost did. She had marched him to his classroom and the facetiousness in her voice made me sick. She had her gotcha moment, done and dusted. Would a little kindness have cost her so much? We were both going to gone the next day to other jobs? Why was it so damned important to win against this child who obviously had a lot stacked against him?
As I walked him down the hall, he muttered to me "I didn't know she could hear me." I was on a thin line here. I didn't want to confuse him by criticizing her. I didn't want to undermine her. I said, "well, each teacher has her own style. It's not mine. And now you know that people can hear you." I can't even say, "go back outside and enjoy your recess, because clearly, he can't, it being too cold." Predictably, his behavior spiraled downward after that.
So what do we do with a kid like that? Spare the rod and spoil the child? I can't see that he's been spoiled much. I'm only a sub, but I talked with his teacher about what to do. I said I'd like to donate a whole brand-new winter outfit: snow pants, coat, gloves, hat, boots. Leave them in the office with a note: With Love to D-- . But what about the other 3 kids in his family ? I can't really afford the first set of clothes, let alone four complete sets. He's not the only kid in the school who could use an upgrade in winter clothing, either. And what about the family? Will they be embarrassed? Will I be 'enabling' them? I don't even care. I just can't stand to see a cold kid.
My Advent hope is in the coming of Our Lord. It's also that there is some way that I can help these kids.
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