Let me preface this poem by saying that while I do appreciate the kind things my now family has done for my birthday, I don't really care for big deals made of it. My family of origin didn't either. They were more interested in themselves and their other kids. So I'm not used to or comfortable with being the center of attention, especially for a birthday which everyone has one a year. I do, however, find it a good time to pause, bookmark and consider.
Why is it some people make
a big deal of their day of birth
as if they had accomplished
some huge feat of priceless worth?
Why do they act so arrogant
and entitled to crowns worn
instead of just recognizing
all they did was to be born?
There are probably reasons
for arrogance and pride
some over celebrate
because as kids they had to hide
But strangely the hidden ones
are often the ones who don't
celebrate themselves at all
while those who should cut back, won't
There's something very telling
when folks celebrate themselves
both dismissing and expecting
us to be their helper elves
It says they see themselves
on an exalted higher plane
it's awkward to watch
a person act so vain
It's even harder for us
who were never celebrated
having to exalt them shows
just how low we rated
we're already made to worship
everyone at our own expense
especially the too puffed up
is such hypocritical nonsense
Once I got a little boy's toy
some birthday gift for a girl teen
then expected to share with tots
a free sitter is how I was seen
their birthdays were holy days
of obligation and I must attend
with costly gifts I couldn't afford
they were so damned easy to offend
A $.25 stinky used shirt
was good enough for me
they made sure I felt shunned
giving daughter two a new PC
Maybe my rant about birthdays
now makes a little more sense
their greed demanded big bucks
while begrudging me a few cents
gaslighting that I was transactional
it's not just about what we spend
but when I was doing the giving
I'd better shell out without end
my birthday was time for them
to humiliate, hurt and shame
I'm just happier to avoid
their crazy and cruel game
The way to heal as I see it
is to see us all as God sees
The proud and haughty he casts down
while exalting the meek and lowlies
So for my birthday this year
I'm giving myself permission to be
done with catering to big heads
and work on enjoying being me
I'll give if it makes me feel good
but if giving hurts I will not
the beggars can just keep begging
I've nothing more for that lot.
(pemitts self small confetti toss and horn honk)
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