Leave the moonlight on for me

well look who's back

Omi and Opi

flew in from dreamland

settled in our tree

nested by the bird seed

grampa always hid 

he knew the good spots

so of course they did!

downy woodpeckers

you may call these things

they're my elder sparks

grand spirits with wings

Once upon a memory

I'd dream of we three

walking by our big lake

my granddad and me

to their eternal rest 

they were finally sent

but came back to visit

from wherever they went

All tears dried we hear

but if heaven's so swell

then tell me why them

leaving hurts like hell? 

Maybe they knew I 

couldn't cope alone

didn't want to leave me

again on my own

so they came each night

then they had to leave

these nocturnal visits 

always made me grieve

it must be hard when

earthlings hold you tight

but I was stuck too 

in a death grip plight

then one night they said

I must let them go

perhaps it hurt them

to see me hurt so 

so I did so they did

cease to visit me

must have been ready

for I didn't even see

they live in recall

verses woven in foam

yet it seems they found

a new place to call home

I hang a feeder

in the backyard tree

like they always did

where birds love to be

when the seed runs out

they scold and nag me

they keep on dining 

when I walk to the tree

we startle each other

it's quite an affray 

we laugh and beg pardon

he never flies away

perched supervising

feeder filling time 

I fully comprehend

his mute pantomime

and in the evening

when birds go to bed

I still see friendly 

shade shadows in my head

elder sparks hover

in twilight requiem

I daren't blink or move

lest I might miss them

these feathered fairies 

whatever they may be

neither fact nor fiction

still drop in on me 

now we've gone gentler 

in dark night of soul

in fairy fragments 

I find full-moon whole

a back dune meander

Elysian daydreams 

driftwood and fireflies

Tlingit moonbeams

now play hide and seek

for grandpa is silly 

when the moon is new 

no light we can see 

like he always did 

bidding me goodnight

began to shut the door

thereby dousing the light

it was just pretend 

just so I would howl

always left it open

my dear wise old owl

sacred was the ritual 

bed bugs and sleep tight

moonshine wish kisses

hugs with all our might

my elders sparks still 

twinkle for us to see

never shut the door and

leave the moonlight on for me

Panic Attack Ack-Ack

deep vein thrombosis

throbs through my whole

shell shock reverberates

shockwaves in my soul

musty sweet sickness 

I know this of old 

Tupperware bowl of

moldy oatmeal stone cold

gut lurching forward in

backward high-speed train 

elevator major lift  

minor fall migraine

crash land on reentry

rank, dank memory

rag rug pulled away

rage storm drowning me

panic attack ack-ack

mind's machine gun nest

can't find my gas mask

for air raid warden test

this ain't no test nor

car backfire sound

my heart knows the drill

of sucker punch pound 

world without an end

they are mad again

me in the crosshairs

cue the great amen

comes the fusilade

flak- ack-ack attack

scapegoat in the middle

no one has my back

angry fingers drum

a morse code of shame

in military tattoo

stenciled on my brain

blindside blindman's bluff

family ambush game

everyone playing

pass the buck and blame

in clown monkey band 

chimp on calliope

harpy harpsicord 

what a travesty

dying but never done

death by 1000 jeers

hurts in ageless pain

I've cried out of tears

that's my legacy 

left in the will 

pocketful of empty

such a sour pill 

it's some consolation

can't miss what I had not

and I just don't care

which oddly says a lot 

Yes we've no patience

for nonsense today

just stupid head games

I don't want to play

Then Ack-ack subsides

like lake into shore

all quiet on this front

I could open the door...

(we now present the volta)

what to my wondering 

eyes should appear 

a cloud of witnesses 

who holding held me dear

waiting in the wings

for their entrance bell

the new ones to love

past ones loved so well

Ave, elder sparks 

I see your dim-bright

shadow fairies hover

hidden in plain sight

Time to free my Tao 

and scrub clean the pain

in Babylon river

and Lake Michigan rain

Narnian Reverie: Or Moishe Requires his Tea

Mrs. Bombastic

A tisket, a tasket 

trailing mist ribbons

from her Easter basket

midsummer moonshine

mittens lost and found

then lost again by

kittens fiddling around

glowworm orb observes

green cheese moon man land

sing hey diddle diddle

to feline fiddler band

silently frolicking

Bastet hearth deities

Bombay amber eyes

Mord and Moishe kitties

Lunar Musicians

their mute jazz band wails

reflect harvest moon in

patent black coat and tails

larking in grayscale

hinterland twilight

no time for sleep in

mystic magic night 

to color in vision

the painter brings her brush

I brought my pen to

poem ebullient hush

in honeycomb'd verses

weaving fabled spells

of sand covered kingdoms

inside wishing wells

once upon a rhyming

celestial story time

Tlingit elder waltz in

wild mountain thyme

Puss tippling catnip

Me, my jug of wine

a loaf and he beside 

were paradise mine

till rain sneaks in on

Mist-blue kitty toes

Ohio's bank ore'flow

where pussywillow grows

wither shall we find

sweet sheltering repose?

pretty words blurred by 

Windy Wendigos 

my ballet shoes soiled

they will surely scold 

wine turned to water

Moishe's feet are cold 

Just we two must fend

Mord wisely went to bed

dreaming of cat treats

dancing in his head

but soft what light shines

In yon window faithfully

his front yard post light

calling Moishe and me?

nope, just me revolving

round memory carousel

kitchen table slideshow

where heaven hurts like hell

in recall I forget

wine spilled on the floor

crying, holding tighter 

just makes me lose more

Fact.  

the elders have moved

ever farther away

I only see and hear 

in grandkids at play. 

I don't even dream about them anymore. 

yet our beloved birds

hover o're me now 

tiny elder sparks

my presence they allow

This bears more pondering. 

I'll write on this more. 

I'll think on this more. 

I'll drink on this more. 

Meanwhile, cue Narnian Reverie. Because Moishe's toes are freezing and he requires his tea. 

 

A sardine toast feast

Tumnus laid for we

riding out the storm

the faun, the cat and me

sip from fairy tea cups

of dogwood petal pink

with fern frond saucers 

gin and printer's ink 

(there it is...)

Just a god and his girl

our silly ancient ways

strolling down Eden

and in and out of days

 

Rescue Swim Sonnet

fallow lie the fields

of grim Athenry 

yes, we have no milk 

the cow has run dry 

those perishing below

from her window sees

but does she even hear

their heart-twisting pleas?

Lady of Shalott 

wrings out tears like rain

cries for herself not 

children with no grain 

what use is crying 

with no song to say 

the doom is upon her

she's clean sailed away

lonely is our lady 

of towered misery

drowning in blossoms

in boat off the quay 

Such a golden waste 

bright sparkler divine

Makes me consider 

the spark that is mine

methinks as I dwell

in my quirky rhyme 

about brevity of 

the tango with time

to the death dicers 

who flirt with the grave

a word of caution 

before the final wave  

spare a thought for those

leaving leaves behind 

when contemplating 

a darker shade of mind

as for me, I'll wear

my 24-karat glow

done with silence now

time to tell and show 

no more colors hid

under basket confine

time to blow the top off 

this little light of mine

I quit dancing to

the puppet masters tune

flip the script face up

rewrite my own rune 

I've a debt to let 

my bright and dark shine

keening out me to 

my young still in line. 

cut loose choke holders

get my priorities straight

cut free loaders adrift

release their dead weight

this is both swan song

and coming-out ball

parting with death dance

as life to life calls

 

I'm harkening to

those truly in need 

by cutting out takers 

I give givers the lead

life ring thrown back

to drowning gone before

rescue swim sonnet 

pulling toward shore

my pay it forward

filling shoes they outgrew

what good they gave

the only kindness I knew

in parched earth vale

better to light a spark

than waste golden dreams

by cursing the dark

Pax Vobiscum. 

Lady of Shalott Blues in B-flat

Grade eff off key day

make the beast go away

can't shake mood today

only eerie meters play

got the doom on me

bagpiping the tune 

Lady of Shalott blues

in B-flat river gloom 

blue moon of Camelot

Keep on shining gloam

from Ohio's mud banks

Charon ferries me home

blue veined hands grasp

Sun's spotted yellow chill

permafrosted core

holds the ice queen still

empty orb hollowed 

dull daylights retract

bleakest black and blue 

prism fragments refract

needle nosed lances 

on tiny aimed shard

finds a clear target

hits tender heart hard

sun without no shine

burns like saccharine

jeering and jesting 

of a fake friend's grin

forced rumination

gnaws in stranglehold

peas porridge stewed in

the pot nine days old 

banjo nerves jangle

in arthritic knot

Discordant twangle

my C minor Camelot 

I finally spoke her name

did the unthinkable

on this day of days

parted company with

traditional ways

it's not what I did

it's what I didn't do

insignificant 

it may seem to you 

for once didn't go

I stayed home in bed

first time in decades I

heard my pain instead

her voice silenced since

forever long time

always playing my

"I'm fine" pantomime

and I power on

mutely holding all

load-bearing lady 

always takes the fall

this sounds selfish, or

maybe just I hear

old haranguing voices

clanging in my ear

stop showing off, you

just want sympathy

you're too sensitive 

in your pity party 

pain was inconvenient

needs were always blamed

tired was verboten

sick was ignored or shamed

And so I shut down

I sucked up my pain

like a vacuum or 

a spiraling drain 

of course it spiraled

screwed itself down tight 

frozen in my core 

clamped like jaw bite 

hand over a mouth

to silence a scream 

but she was too loud 

especially in dream 

"She" is a fairy 

pain she helps me see

she's much more friend than

they ever were to me

she starts and ends day 

and punctuates night

though I keep her at bay

still she shines her light

no matter how tight 

I put on her lid 

my bottled genie 

refuses to stay hid 

she interrupts my sleep 

sounds back alarm bell 

if I don't heed she makes

other parts hurt as well

I should thank her for

waking me in pain

so I stop heeding 

shaming in my brain

it's them I should ignore

voices in my my head

they get louder too

when I go to bed

not that I'm expected

to hurt silent be

by the folks I love

who also love me

 

they aren't the problem

the shame lives in me

in harm from people 

I once called  family 

so today I did

something differently 

gagged the voices to  

hear the wise fairy 

how did it feel to 

finally speak her name

I don't know yet 

some is still the same

it'll take time and work

to gag shame for good 

we'll do it together

in our safe fairy wood 

Where words cannot go

spaces, voids and places 

with no way to name

boundless sensation

no picture to frame

dwell in my deepness

marrow of my soul 

rooted in heartwood

parts in umbilical whole

Some radiate heaven

paradise past tell

some mutely suffer 

agony like hell

ache like astronaut 

clinging by eyelash thread

to a mother ship

where the crew is dead

joy like fairy lights

that in my yard glow

beaming out a hope

where no word can go

vacuum sealed sound

concentric circles fall

collapsing on themselves

mute conical wall

formless thoughts and faces

flit in nightmares dreamed

but when I catch them

they're not what they seemed

Yet they're there and real

deep in secret well 

intangible tangent

no seer can foretell

heard but unspoken

penned in invisible ink

beyond my line of sight

I miss them when I blink 

like wee red spiders

or tiny dust mites 

you only know he's been

by his painful bites

But for all the bad

that falls on deaf ears

much voiceless delight

my spirit still hears

with bone deep reverb

sound without volume

too low for sonar 

in full body hymn

down below bottom 

more felt than heard

past hell's 7 layer salad

this loudly silent word

a void that sat vacant

is filled to the brim

flooding with light 

corners that were dim

pulsing each heartbeat

the psyche's EKG

sung in living color

by astral choir in me

Amen.