The Writer's Garden
Wild Iron Horse on the Inner City Plains
Between Chilkat and Chilkoot
Alaska boat docks
like big people did
in imagination
fished the little kid
boatmen on the wharf
cleaning the night's haul
I fashioned family
of nothing at all
pretending with a
twig pole and barnacle
down upon the bay
my tabernacle
barnacles so named
removal attempts fail
I ditched fishing
made pole into sail
then clacking my stick
when litter boat drowned
frightening the fish
with annoying sound
makes no sense to me
to the men I said
how could I scare them
they're already dead!
(they just wagged their heads and gestured something in Tlingit that looked like "crazy kid.")
admiring their catch
bright sockeye salmon
day-glo red grapefruit
with quicksilver skin
busy working folk
no children around
they couldn't play at
treacherous playground
fish gut slippery planks
steep and stinky too
where else to play when
no one cared or knew
absent parents shoo
6 y/o alone to play
to work at nothing
each went their own way
They said God said to
convert the heathens
many moon miles away
no one told the Indians
no pews nor pulpit
church to missionary
my grandparents warned
it was all imaginary
I guess they expected
God would just provide
when that didn't happen
they changed tune and lied
Now I was burden
plus some arm candy
having a small kid
came in quite handy
they said God absolved
their responsibility
took full advantage of
native hospitality
God-willed vacation
kick back and relax
work was for others
I fell through the cracks
in town with no home
from flophouses to tents
strange place where strangers
worried more than parents
Her homemade heaven
in stumps and acorns
saw a roll top desk
with moss she adorns
driftwood drifter combs
pebble shell beach sand
finds longed-for comfort
like grandfather's hand
where were the people?
why so far from home?
just flotsam for friends
Where Too-Young did roam?
best and worst childhood
live somewhere between
Chilkoot and Chillkat
mountain lake serene
Play recordings in reverse
ballerina twists on
jewel box coil springs
stuck fast by her foot
in chokers and rings
I'm not a dancer
nor puppet on string
I'm an extant being
not an underling
read revelation
to find Genesis
take yellow brick road
for Oz Exodus
just a balloon ride
back to Auntie Em
smiling in Kansas
floating over them
stop tilt-a-whirling
roundabout express
follow the red flags
to make your egress
exit shame cycle
play record in reverse
hearing new message
in upside down verse
dance different tune
slow waltzing revolve
backward on dance floor
spiral to resolve
Where the Insane find Asylum
A funny little fellow
El Chupacabra
some say he's macabre
I see a candelabra
playing word shell games
showing sides we've never seen
like Beauty and the Beast
Frights become a figurine
drawing fear in caricature
how lovely that would be
paint by number devils
shrunk dimensionality
Proposing a toast, I raise
a glass of Frivoli-Tea
in champagne bubble fizz
our horrors float out to sea
Shall I begin with mine?
imagine a demon dance
now pull the puppet strings
and watch them lose their pants
that's how we do it, folks
in the nightmare parade
just keep on lampooning
till your terror starts to fade.
Now it's your turn to pick
your phobia to minimize
color him panto and watch
him dissolve before your eyes
Blessings from the Hoo Hoo Hotel where all us insane find asylum.
Worshipper at the Ego Altar
softly, softly the child knelt
secondhand coat and used shoes
ever the repentant
in those hard wooden pews
tear-jerked remorse
wept the girl with no name
dutifully answering
when the altar call came
a shiny pulpit man
denounced wages of sin
in his fancy blue suit
beats his Bible again
so I trembled in fear
at his angry homily
and the vengeful God
with little use for me
yet first finger pointing
all wicked folk do
seems you forgot, friend
four point back to you
the church blame shame game
played the fool so well
their preach without practice
the no show only tell
What happened to Jesus?
in this gospel you teach
reserving for yourself
what you place out of reach
The inn is still filled
at the Entitlement Arms
you think God's fooled by
your snake oil and charms?
Just admit you've no room
in your high ground above
you withhold while claiming
all his mercy and love
but the girl still worships
at your ego altar
absorbing your shame
that you heap upon her
betrayal blindness kept
this trauma bonded slave
no amount of contrition
can the tied soul save
so confessing is moot
don't know wrong from right
if I'm ever a sinner
then I can't see the light
Face First in the Schnauzer's Dish
Once upon a wasted on
Bacardi Dark and Dry
woke up in Schnauzer's dish
with kibble bits in my eye
sounds like the punchline
of many cruel jokes
it's my awkward truth
being honest here, folks
alternative was friend's bed
my creepy ex crawled in
no idea what happened
that's the way of rum and gin
odd juxtaposition
boozing church youth group event
paradoxical context
but that's how back then went
recession depression
nothing to do, be or go
useless cornfield burnout
not even wild oats to sow
oh the morning rumpus
when they came down to dine
welcome sign reversed to me
self-respect in tatters mine
yes the floor was safer
place to lay my head
where were pointing fingers
when my ex snuck into bed?
and this was not my norm
excelling on half a chance
pressured to be perfect
despite crap circumstance
why did church folk ignore
neglectful parents' abuse
Kicked out, homeless at 16?
so who bought us the booze?
why did no one mention
they were all wasted too
I had nowhere to go
so what's a girl to do?
that was then, this is now
oceans and eons between
can't ever understand
the crazy never seen
from a moral high horse
it's easy to cast blame
yet without vantage point
you might do just the same.
lacking hindsight vision
how to translate to you
you just had to be there
it was all we all knew
I'd seen a lot by then
Black to Shambala light
but what the hell, said I
cooped up in rural blight
so judge me if you wish
her dog and parents sure did
but careful what you wish on
this explanation defiant kid
pathetic metaphor
How often dog's dish found me
faceplanted by family
unjust poetic irony
Yanked pillory to post
Whizzing through the roundabout
like a shame-drunk sailor
puking up guilt and self-doubt
so maybe just for once
my drunk fail was a choice
bitching out reality
hella way to find your voice
Melodrama Drag Queen
trauma shame triggered
how are you today?
one simple question
don't know what to say
answer honestly?
how dare you admit
way too sensitive
just get over it
don't be Deb downer
Melodrama drag queen
zip your pain up tight
don't be heard or seen
no one wants your truth
just convenient lie
wannabe preacher
sneers "but did you die?"
arrogant posturing
what did I expect?
demand but didn't
earn or give respect
you sermonize me
of minimizing
You're a fine one to preach
the Exaggerate King
you wanna talk courage?
bravely telling truth
I've died little deaths
daily since my youth
bled in many ways
by a 1000 cuts
honest conversation?
doubt you have the guts
we don't say, do we
how the killer was you
snuffing out my light
with darkness you do
all you did was moan
finger pointing blame
in your "Woe is Me"
pity party game
that's how you distract
notice from your harm
be attention's center
keep that spotlight warm
same weary tune sung
about and by you
ignore what you did
as you always do
you envy sunshine
but your fake's outshown
seen clearly behind
the red flags you've flown
where does that leave me?
proverbial free bird
no longer encaged
or haven't you heard?
singing she exited
the gilded wire door
four words opened it
"I don't care anymore."
shout all you want
holler, cry or swoon
have fits of vapors
howl at the blue moon
I am gone, said she.
as she flew away
I've found my voice
I shall sing today.








