.jpg)
now that I'm out it's out
the dirty little secrets we kept
shackled by their heavy burdens
it's about damn time I wept
now that weeping's begun
hang on it's gonna get loud
ugly crying, threats and curses
to spit it out I'm not too proud
I'm stooping to their level?
you say but you don't know
there's no rock bottom to
which my parents would not go
You call my truth vindictive
two wrongs don't make right
you curse my darkness yet
you offer me no light
but pointing wrong way round
your wagging digit of blame
excusing parent perpetrators
while scolding my spoken shame
but just remember and beware
the lecturing you so often do
when that finger you point at me
four more point back at you
it's not for her dirty secrets
that the kid is taking the rap
it's shit they did to her
so shut your flapping trap
open up mind and stop your
tone-deaf prat so crass
hear my inner child out
don't make yourself the ass
what you call disloyal is me
calling out dad's vowed suicide
premeditated death weaponized
to make me cower and hide
and what about your mom
she's victim too you say
funny now you mention it
that's exactly what she would say
"what about Nancy?" is the
burden of her theme
her utter narcissism has
become a classic meme
when dad dumped on me
mother turned her face away
concerned only about herself
abandoning me each and every way
when I asked for help
she shrugged and tossed her head
callous to death and pain
let's focus on her instead
caring not that her little girl
was drifting out to sea
in fact mommy cut the rope
and glibly gaslit my reality
since then and to this day
no one's ever thrown a bone
being pre-emptively pall bearer
was a fear I carried alone
You say we didn't know nor speak
of such things back in the day
well I lived then too and quite alone
with none to guide me on my way
and scuze me, did I just hear
you defend adults who did not
help to carry a child's load
left her to shoulder the lot?
Standing on your ignorance
I'm sorry that just won't do
what you're ignoring is conscience
I'll hear no sermons from you
And spare me your fake pity
if sorrow you have for me
I can't hear your caring
over your ignoring complicity
even if you confessed your guilt
it's many days and dollars to late
Keep your sorrys to yourself
They're well past the sell-by date
and funny how mea culpaes
until eleventh hour wait upon
fire insurance apologies aren't
worth the paper they're printed on
sorry they say but do not mean
you'll get no remorse nor contrition
they're only sorry they got caught
you'll be lucky to get admission
dressed in DARVO and excuse
if admission you ever get
then it's begrudgingly only
when trapped in their own net
but be careful, don't trust
for there will surely be a snare
that comes back to snag you
when their sins they must declare
gaslighting hurt was their legacy
and it's what silenced my voice
groomed to bear their guilt
having no protection nor choice
help arrived late or not at all
it took my 60 years just to see
all the scars and bruises they
continually inflicted upon me
to rescue little me I
write out my pain in rhyme
big me owes her a life
ring thrown back in time
my grasp must exceed reach
If I'm us both to save
arms stretched far and deep
lest we sink under the wave
expect more dark verses
as I go down the well
there's lots of us trapped there
and a lot more pain to tell
Posts
